It's not a MarySue, we SWEAR, it's a CareySue!
by My Evil Twin
Summary: One day, a vortex suddenly and musteriously sucks up two girls and lands them in Middle Earth... gee like that hasn't be done before... Welcome to our version of LotR
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: We do not own Lord of the Rings. If we did, we would not post something that so mercilessly makes fun of it.

AN- anyone who is a LotR nut, please know that so is one of the authors. This story is merely meant to amuse.

**Prologue **

One sunny morning, best friends Kirsten and Christine were having an Extended Edition Lord of the Rings Movie Marathon. The two girls were both about five feet six inches, while Kirsten had dark brown hair and blue, and Christine had reddish-brown hair and blue eyes, famed by rectangular glasses. Sitting there with their desiccated chocolate bunny and _diet_ Dr. Pepper (they swear they're on a diet…), Christine was hunched over, her eyes popping out as she ogled Legolas in his incredibly tight leggings. Kirsten watched in amusement… until Aragorn made his appearance, causing her to scoot closer to the TV.

"Man, he is so cool! He's the King you know… and he's got the greatest sword!" Christine gave a cackle - thinking of a much different sword. "AHHHH! Not THAT one Christine! And you know he's cool!"

"coughuglycough" with a furious cry, Kirsten launched herself at Christine.

"He is NOT ugly!"

As they were busy rolling around on the ground, (get your minds out of the gutter!) the TV started to swirl and distort as a vortex moved towards the squabbling girls. The vortex grew in size and the colours swirled round and round as it engulfed Christine and Kirsten. Oblivious, the two girls continued to pull at each others hair, one screaming obscenities, while the other stuck to juvenile insults.

"Er…" Elrond blinked as the two girls suddenly appeared on the balcony in the middle of the council about the One Ring…

AN- Enjoy!


	2. Chapter 1

_From Last Time… _

_"Er…" Elrond blinked as the two girls suddenly appeared on the balcony in the middle of the council about the One Ring…_

**Chapter 1:**

"Anyway… The ring must be brown back into the fiery chasm– "

Elrond was cut off as Christine jumped up to interject in her most distinguished and mystical voice, "FROM WHENCE IT CAME!" Everyone turned and looked at then, eyebrows raised.

"Who ARE you!" Boromir demanded, glaring at them both. The rest of the Middle-Earthers leaned forward eagerly.

"I'm Kirsten, and she's Christine." Kirsten piped up, beaming at Aragorn. Noticing this, Aragorn edged towards Elrond, nudging him.

"Why is she staring at me with that smile?"

"I don't know, but I would stay away from her. She looks like trouble." Elrond replied, just noticing that everyone was standing and arguing. "What are they yelling about?"

"Oh, you know, dwarves don't want the elves to have the ring, the elves get defensive, Boromir wants the ring, blah, blah, blah…"

"Oh, right." Out of the corner of his eye, Elrond noticed Frodo get up, and his mouth started to form the word 'I' when an unusual thing happened. A coil notebook withlarge purple wingssmacked Frodo in the face, and one of the odd girls, Kirsten, stood up.

"I will take it… I will take the ring to Mordor, though I do not know the way!" Her eyes glowed with happiness and her voice was almost giddy. Everyone turned to look at her with an odd expression, only to be distracted by the sight of Frodo wrestling with the notebook.

"Hey, Kirsten, I'll go with you if I can 'escort' Legolas…" An evil glint was present in Christine's eyes as she spoke winking at the elf. Blanching, Legolas turned to Elrond.

"Wasn't Frodo supposed to take the ring?" He asked.

"Um… I believe he was…" Elrond turned to look at the two girls, utterly confused by the presence and behaviour. Turning to look questioningly at Gandalf, he shook his head.

Gandalf turned to glare at Christine and Kirsten. "Umm… why don't you go sit over there. And, Kirsten, right, yes, Kirsten, you DON'T get the ring."

Glowering, the two girls moved off to the side, and the notebook got up to follow them. "Hi. I'm your friendly neighborhood magical notebook. Anything you write in yours truly will happen… And I'll lose the wings." The notebook said. Utterly unperturbed by being sucked into a movie and atalking notebook, Christine pulleda pen out of her pocket and scribbled madly on the first page.

Frodo stepped up to the ring, looking very serious. "I will take it… as the only gay, purple bunny present, I will take the ring to Mordor – though I do not know the way."

Everyone just stared at him, except Kirsten and Christine who were laughing their heads off in the background. "I don't think a purple gay bunny is what we are looking for…" Legolas said, looking disturbed.

"What! Did I actually SAY that!" Aghast, Frodo collapsed back into his chair.

"Riiiiiight. Anyway. Frodo Baggins, I shall help you to carry this burden for as long as it is yours to bear." Gandalf said as he moved to stand behind him.

"If by my life or death I can serve you, I will. You have my sword." Aragorn pledged as he knelt down. Immediately after, Legolas spoke.

"And my bow." At that Christine giggled.

"I'd take his bow anyway…" Kirsten turned to give her a dirty looked and focused back on the council.

"Great! Look! You made me miss Gimli!" Kirsten muttered, looking back over at her. Seeing the look on Christine's face, she growled, "don't even think about it!"

"Well, if this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done…" Christine started to giggle again.

"Geez, Christine! Would you stop that! GAHHHHHHHHH!" At this Christine only snorted and started to laugh louder.

"I'm sorry, it's just too funny! They're all serious and stuff, but there is just so much there! HAHAHAHAHAHA…"

Groaning, Kirsten once again turned back to the center of the balcony, watching as Sam came out of the bushes. "Wait, Mr. Frodo's not going anywhere with out me!"

"Of course not. You wouldn't want your lover to go _anywhere_ without you … Mwa ha ha ha…" Christine cackled.

"Okay, that's it!" Kirsten once again tackled her and they started to grapple with each other, hair flying, nails poised and teeth bared. "You are sooooo going down!"

"Kirsten getoff! If we want to go along with them, we need to ask now!"

"Fine!"

Catching her breath, Christine shouted at fellowship-to-be, "Wait! Us too! Us too!" Bouncing up, they scrambled over to the soon-to-be fellowship.

"And why, pray tell, should we bring you!" Gimli demanded, scowling at the two.

"Ah…" Kirsten looked to Christine, who winked and said in her most mystical voice, "because we are the famed all seeing seers of… THE COUCH!" Kirsten nodded solemnly and tried to look all-knowing.

Suspicious, Elrond raised and eyebrow. "Oh really? Predict something for me then."

"Er… we predict that Aragorn is wearing Arwen's Evenstar Pendant!"

"YOU"RE WHAT!" Elrond's penetrating gaze fixed on Aragorn, a mad glint in his eye. Aragorn then in turn, fixed his own on Kirsten.

"Heh, heh, heh… sorry." Kirsten muttered looking at her bare feet, realizing that she didn't have any shoes with her, and if they went with the fellowship they would need not only shoes but clothes as well. While this revelation was taking place, Christine stepped in.

"But it's true! He is!" Everyone turned to glare at Christine, who merely waved in return."

"We will talk later Aragorn," Elrond said threateningly, "but for now I name you the fellowship of the Ring!"

Beaming, Kirsten and Christine skipped off into the building to find some cool elvish clothes.


	3. Chapter 2

From Last Time… 

_"We will talk later Aragorn," Elrond said threateningly, "but for now I name you the fellowship of the Ring!"_

Beaming, Kirsten and Christine skipped off into the building to find some cool elvish clothes.

**Chapter 2:**

One week after the council in which everything had been decided at the Council of Elrond, after everything had been made ready to leave (Kirsten and Christine having driven everyone mad), the fellowship stood at the gates of Rivendell waiting to depart. As Elrond gave his farewell and good luck speech, the two girls stood side by side in the background admiring their new elvish clothes. As Frodo turned to start on the quest, they edged up behind him, close enough to hear Frodo as he muttered to Gandalf.

"Left or right?"

"Le-" Gandalf was cut off as Christine butted in.

"Right, go right!" Gandalf turned to glare at her, while glanced away and attempted to whistle.

"As I was saying, go left." Warily eyeing Christine, Frodo turned left and headed down the road, the rest of the Fellowship following behind.

"So," Kirsten sided up beside Aragorn, smiling prettily and furiously batting her eyelashes. "Off to Mordor, eh? I've heard it's quite nice this time of year."

He looked down at her, one eyebrow raised, but a smile pulling at the corners of his lips. "Aye, supposed to be nice and warm."

"Maybe a little dark, a little overpopulated with ugly, slimy evil things, a little toxic. But other than that, just peachy with a side of keen."

Once again looking at her with amusement twinkling in his blue eyes, he smiled. "You know what, you might not be so bad…crazy, mind, but not as bad as, say, a troll."

"Gee, thanks a bunch!" Kirsten said, her voice angry but face flushed a delighted pink.

Christine wandered up from behind. "Oh yes she is! She's evil and terrible, and _smelly_! Take my word for it!"

"This coming from the girl whose most prized possession is a shirt that says 'ALL MY HEROS ARE EVIL!' Right…"

"Hey! Darth Vader and Hannibal are cool!" Christine protested, glaring at Kirsten. "Do not mock my heros!"

"Darth Vader?" Aragorn asked, looking confused. "Why have I not heard of him?"

"Er… because he is a silly made-up character." Kirsten said smiling up at him. "You know, made up for a story. Fiction. He's sorta like an odd version of Melkor."

Glancing back at Christine, a disturbed expression crossed his face. "Melkor!" Giving her another odd look, he quickly moved towards Gandalf under his breath, he whispered, "keep that one away from the ring," nodding towards Christine.

"Oh jeeze!" Christine rolled her eyes, making a face at Aragorn. "Can no one here take a joke? Though," she added as an afterthought, "they ARE pretty cool!"

Spying Legolas, she beckoned him over with a wave of her hand. "You, wench," eyebrows raised, he merely looked at her.

With a loud sound of exasperation, she spoke again, sarcasm dripping from her tongue like poisoned honey, "forgive me, O Mirkwood Prince." Glaring at her, he quickly walked past her, hoping she would leave him alone. Legolas made his way to stand beside Aragorn.

"Mellon nin, those girls are certainly odd aren't they?"

"They are indeed, they are indeed."

Christine gave a loud sigh. No one had a sense of humour, it seemed. It was going to be a very looong trip. She glanced back at the rest of the Fellowship, but they all looked very grim. Ho hum…

She moved up beside Kirsten, flashing her friend a smile. "So how are you liking the grim, I-have-no-sense-of-humour, weight-of-the-world-upon-my-slender-shoulders Fellowship? Personally, I think they ought to lighten up… or their face'll stick that way."

"Christine, you do realize that this _is _the girl who absolutely adores everything that ism well, _Lord of the Rings_! Plus, I think their cool, they just don't have your crude sense of humour."

"Did I say anything gutter-like? NO!"

"You just called Legolas a 'wench'."

"So? I could have called him a 'rentboy', the word wench isn't exactly dirty!" Christine sighed, feeling slightly alienated. "Well, you stay and have fun withy Mr. Serious." She gave a small smile and dropped back.

"Great. Geeze, abandon me. Now who am I supposed to talk to?"

"Well, we were going to offer, but you seem quite content talking to yourself, so we'll just go…" Merry and Pippin stood close by.

"No, no that's okay… Please stay and talk with me. It'll be nice to talk to someone _other_ than Christine for a while."

"HEY!" Christines voice carried over the air. The rest of the Fellowship who had heard everything let out a chuckle.

"Nicely done, Lady Kirsten, nicely done." Aragorn looked back with a smile.

"I feel so unloved…" Christine pouted.

"I'm sure somewhere someone loves you…" Legolas said, sarcasm coating his voice.

"Hey! I'm sure she's very nice… some of the time." Pippin replied.

Christine scowled, and if looks could kill, Kirsten and the rest of the Fellowship would have been bloody corpses on the ground. Alas she would have to stick with verbal barbs…

"Oh _sure_, she says something MILDLY amusing and you're all fawning over her. Pardon me if my sense of humour is far too modern for you gentlemen to understand." Angry and not just a little hurt, Christine stormed away to walk beside Bill, knowing that her reply had been weak and foolish.

Feeling guilty that she had been so hard on Christine, Kirsten hung back to stand by her. "Hey, I'm sorry." Christine remained silent, her eyes starring forward blankly. "Look, I really am. Okay? Silence once again reigned. Looking down at her feet Kirsten sighed, then sped up, hoping that Christine would forgive her soon.

Christine looked after Kirsten with a shielded gaze, absently stroking Bill with one hand. She was scared stiff – they were in the middle of _Lord of the Rings_ for goodness sakes! She had seen the movies and read the books, she knew what the Fellowship would have to face. As usual, she covered it up with humour… but seeing as no one liked her, nor got her jokes, the outlook was beginning to look quite bleak.

Soft footsteps alerted Christine to the fact that someone was probably going to try and talk to her again. "Excuse me Miss Christine," Sam said as he came near. "Beggin' you pardon, but I don't think they really meant anythin' by it. And if it helps, I think you're mighty funny." Sam looked at his hairy feet as he waited for a reply.

Surprised, she gave him a quick smile. "Thank you, Master Sam, it's nice to know that al least one person doesn't think I'm some deranged nutter." She gave a rueful laugh, before changing the topic. "So, do you have a girl back home? A nice guy like you ought to have no trouble with the ladies."

"He flushed, "well… there's this one girl, her name is Rosie…"

Legolas jogged up to Kirsten, falling in pace beside her. "What is your homeland like, Lady Kirsten? Do they all have such strange names?

"Well, I guess, yeah. To use, it would be your names that are strange…" Blushing slightly, Kirsten looked up. "Not that they aren't nice, just, you know, different." Feeling slightly flustered, she looked away.

"I understand." Amusement tinged his voice at her obvious discomfort.

"It's a lot different then Middle Earth… our leaders are elected, and the only dominant rave is man." She smiled at Legolas's shock. "We don't even have elves, or dwarves, or hobbits, or orcs, or any of the different races here."

"Madness…" he muttered, causing her to laugh. "Hey Aragorn!" He called back, "did you know that they only have humans in The Couch!"

"Well, then, perhaps tat will take your race down a notch."

"To quote Lady Christine, 'I feel so unloved.' Any, HEY! You were raised by elves, you're part elf, and you're in love with an elf!" Legolas said indignantly.

"He has you there Aragorn!" A smile graced her face, as Kirsten teased him. Just shaking his head, Aragorn turned to talk with Gandalf.

Silence overtook the Fellowship as they continued to walk. As night fell, camp was made on the edge of a river. Kirsten grabbed her bedroll and made to set it up by Christine, but Christine merely picked up her own, and walked away. Upset and still feeling guilty, Kirsten sat down with her head in her hands.


End file.
